I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
