I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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