Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have post one night stand depression
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