Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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