my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
