kristin has been a bad kristin
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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