Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want nice things and good sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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