I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
