I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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