return my video game
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
