my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
