In the future we'll all be gay
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
