that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
