dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
