He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
