I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
