My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
