Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
