There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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