Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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