Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
