I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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