The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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