I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
