So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
