Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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