Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
