He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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