I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
