yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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