it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
