So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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