I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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