You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
