addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
