she woke up with a sticky ear
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
