she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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