I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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