Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
