Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize