How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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