Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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