I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
