she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
