:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They have beer where we have blood.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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