i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
