Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
