They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
