Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
