Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
