meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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