his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
