Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
