just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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