I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
