Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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