Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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