She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
