Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
