Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
