I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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