not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
