didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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