Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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