Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
