Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
