Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
