I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
