good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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