So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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