I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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