I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
