how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
