He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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