I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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