he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
