i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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