How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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