I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
