She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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