He asked to "fluff my boner.."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
