laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
