Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
