I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can't motorboat a personality
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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