porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
